Porcelina of the Vast Oceans (misskittykat) wrote,
Porcelina of the Vast Oceans

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She was not like other girls, other girls...

Last night I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed, obsessing over plans and mental maps of where to go and what to do next with my life. I want so badly to get a well paying job (considering that I have my masters), buy a house this year and get the fuck out of this hellhole with these crazy negative people. It is killing me.

I need to apply for jobs at the same time as search for houses. I want my job to be relatively close to my house (being that I would like to save money on gas as well as avoid paying $10 in tolls each day).

There are several predicaments in this situation. I'm dying to have my own place - and by "my own" I mean - my very own place. I know it would be financially sound to have a roommate but it seems that most people don't respect stuff that isn't theirs (some people don't even take care of their own things, regardless of how nice they are) - and if I buy a house, I would want it to be kept nice for years to come. I'd be horrendously picky for a roommate, anyhow. Not like it matters, though. Virtually all my friends live with their boyfriends. And Kevin is not an option at this point in time because he has moved home to pay off his student loans & such so we can start anew when we get married. I have saved up a chunk of change from about six years of serving - so I do have a down payment ready.

I can't sleep when I think about it. I just want to do it, immediately. I was thinking last night that I'd put my desk and bookshelves into the makeshift den with my laptop. Perhaps the tv & dvd player in the family room with some bean bags or something quite hippie until I can afford a couch. And my bed, dresser & night stands would go into the bedroom. All of these things are currently crammed into my tiny room right now lol. I could take Kevin's plates from his apartment and his silverware since he currently isn't using them & he will be there eventually, anyhow. Ugh. I get so excited thinking about it... Damnit.

Could I take on a mortgage by myself?

I think living by myself is exactly what I need at this point. Time to myself - space, quiet when I need it to be, noisy otherwise. I need my own space without the corruption of negative energy from family members. I need no one else to fuck with my shit - borrow without asking & break stuff like my brother has done as recently as about two months ago.

Another predicament is that I can't find a house until a find a job - but after I get a job I won't be able to find a house since I will be working during the week days. The last predicament is the time limit: I want the eight thousand dollar credit for buying a house this year. I was thinking about a townhouse even, but I think I want my own backyard and a two car garage - and I'd like to avoid the hassle of noisiness from my neighbor or me.

When I think of this - I can hardly breathe. It's like I'm holding my breath with excitement.

I just happened to stumble upon this song - which I didn't think would be familiar to me but, as it turns out, I have a vivid memory of Ben playing this in his car one day while we were running errands - driving around on a cool day with the windows down. It reminds me of a more carefree time - I think it was just the day or just my youth, or my naivete. I look forward to having more of those blissful moments while moving into my own place.

I'm off to search for jobs. Wish me luck !
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